Yep, I think this cartoon is a fair description of how I feel about everything I see on my computer, including the manuscript I’m working on. Every morning I tell myself to get up and get working on my next novel. Every afternoon, I’m telling myself I’ll write tomorrow. I know how the story is to end. I know the plot. I know what is to happen next. I just can’t seem to make my fingers put the words to the screen. If I know all of that, is it still called writer’s block?
Maybe it’s the lack of confidence? Something I have only developed since I decided to write books. I have always grabbed the bull of life by the tail and tried everything and anything I so desired. Something I have learned is self-publishing or trying to find an agent is a confidence killer. It’s not a hit you in the head with a hammer killer, but a sneak up on you, in the dark, silent serial killer. It doesn’t kill your confidence quickly either. It slowly wounds you until you are bleeding self-confidence.
You self-publish and receive more five start reviews than any others, which puts a great big bandage on the wound. Then comes a crappy review and rips the bandage off. You decide to send your manuscript to agents looking for new talent, causing you to place another bandage on your wounded confidence. The rejection letters start arriving, slowing taking the bandage off, allowing you to bleed more. Soon you are looking for a transfusion.
I’m glad I took to writing after I retired as if I had tried to do this for a living I would have starved to death years ago. Still, this wound to my self-confidence, even in my retirement is hard for this ‘I can do anything’ girl.
Today I begin a new outlook. It really doesn’t matter if only a few people have read my work. What counts is the fact that the few people that have read my work, liked it. People I never known have liked my books. What more can an author want other than people to say when they started the book, they couldn’t put it down? If others read these reviews and still decide not to read my books, then it’s their loss not mine.
With that said, tomorrow morning, I’m going to start writing again, even if it’s only for a few minutes. That’s more than I have done in a while. Every day I will strive to put more words down and get this next book finished.
Why? Because I’m a grab the bull of life by the tail type of girl, and can do anything I choose.