After yesterdays responses to the Depression blog I realized just how many more people out there suffer just as I do at times. It took me a long time to get it through my thick skull that there is no shame in taking anti-depressant drugs. Longs talks with my father-in-law who was a Physician made me realize it was OK. I was one of the lucky suffers as the first drug I tried worked! Others I have known were not so lucky and had to try several different drugs to get the right combination for their bodies. My advice is to never give up. Giving up will only allow the depression to swallow you.
Before I was medicated I would find myself in a dark abyss, feeling lost and useless. I knew better but yet the feelings swallowed me completely. How can I feel this way when I have such good things going on in my life I would ask myself. I was healthy but felt sick. I was happy but felt like crying all the time. I had a good life but thoughts of ending my life would creep into my thoughts from time to time. Unless you have really experienced these feelings you might not understand how a sane person could ever feel these ways. “Cheer up, things could be worse,” is just about the worse thing in the world I could have ever heard during this time of my life. No matter how I tried there was no cheering up until the feelings of despair would finally leave my mind and body. Yes my body too. Like I said it swallows you whole. Actually making you feel like your body is aching. Only those that suffer with depression can really understand these statements. Trust me, it’s all to true.
I really don’t remember when the depression started in my life or what triggered them. I do know I fought a good fight until one day I noticed all did was work and come home and sit in my chair until bedtime. Television was on but I never say a program. I fed my pets and took care of them but I really don’t remember doing that. All I wanted to do was sleep. Staying awake on my drive home from work became a problem. Finally I was told I was depressed. I thought, “How silly!”
The only thing silly about the whole thing was that I let myself suffer for so many years, ashamed that I felt these feelings of despair for no reason. At one point I even thought I was crazy. Now throw in early menopause and I guess I was thinking I was really crazy. I was also lucky that I had an understanding husband and he helped me through the hard moments and he still does. Not all people have understanding mates. I can only imagine how horrible that would be.
Thank you to all of you that responded to my blog yesterday. I’m assuming most of you also suffer and I hope you find relief soon. Maybe my words will help in some small way.
Now about me being slightly crazy, well that’s another story.