The following work is owned and written by K. D. Bloodworth no one has permission to use, copy, edit, print.
The first few days I spend mostly sleeping. I’m not really hungry and not in much pain. I have an appointment to go see the surgeon to have my bandages changed and everything checked. The only job I have now is to heal and keep my drain tubes clean. I still have not seen the surgery site.
If I can prepare anyone for that first look, I will feel that I have done something good in writing about my surgery. For the first time things really sink in. This is ugly, raw, and nasty. I find myself standing in front of the mirror looking at my body and crying. Not just crying but sobbing. Not sure what I was expecting but it seems that it wasn’t what I was seeing. How will I ever heal from this? How will I ever look like a normal woman again? How?
But it’s K’s voice that brings me back. “Honey, what’s wrong?”
I quickly grab a towel to cover myself. “It’s horrible! So ugly and raw.”
“Oh, Baby Doll, you just had surgery. It hasn’t even begun to heal. Of course it looks bad. It will for a while but it won’t be long and it will be fine. You will always be beautiful to me.”
I allow myself to cry a bit longer and then what he said sinks in. He’s right. And his words stuck with me ever since. He said to the people who care and love me, I’m still me. It’s no big deal that I have a real human tissue breast and one that’s manmade.
You, as I did, will make it through all the doctor’s appointments, the poking and prodding. Having had other surgeries and have always been in a good deal of pain, I find it a relief that this time the pain is minimal. I suppose it’s because the surgeons have cut through so many nerves. Most of left side of my upper body is numb. The good doctors and nurses have warned me about this and that all is good. Even having the last of the drain tubes removed three weeks after the surgery did not hurt.
I am back to work in six weeks. I am for the most part healed up. Finding a bra to fit is somewhat a challenge. As good as the surgery went and the great job the plastic surgeon did, there is still a slight difference in the two breasts. Nothing that I cannot handle, after all, I do not have cancer. If I could do things over again I would elect to have a double mastectomy. The only reason is vanity I suppose. After all, I’m almost sixty years old and my right breast will sooner or later give in to gravity even though it has been nicely lifted. Since there was no history of breast cancer in my family, the insurance company would probably not have paid for a double mastectomy. I could have got the porn star size breasts if I had a double mastectomy. After thoughts! Damn, can’t think of everything.