The following work is owned and written by K. D. Bloodworth no one has permission to use, copy, edit, print.
I know that many women fight cancer for months and years. I was determined that this was going to be a swift and deadly battle. Deadly for the cancer, not me, after all I had cheated death several other times and won. Why would this be any different? I am human and of course there were several seconds that I let my mind wander, wondering what would happen if the cancer had already spread but there was those pesky what ifs and I wasn’t gong there.
I have heard women and stories of cancer patients saying how mad they were that they had cancer. That is another thing I didn’t understand. I get mad when the car won’t start. I get mad when I mess up my checkbook and funds are lower than I thought. I get mad when I call my husband up from his man cave for dinner and he say, “just a minute,” and shows up when everything is cold. Recently I was mad because the kids (daughter and husband) where here visiting for the first time in almost two years and we run out of water. (We live in the part of the country where there is no city or county water systems. We don’t have a well so we have a cistern and have water delivered.) Not only did we run out of water but the pump didn’t shut off and it over heated. Now, that’s something to get mad about. I just didn’t see any sense in getting mad over cancer. That would be a waste of energy and time. I have other things to do.
My husband has always had a demanding job. He was a policeman when we met and worked long hours. After he stopped doing police work he had a regular job where he was off two days a week and worked mostly 40 hours a week. That took some adjusting on both of our parts. But we made it. Then one day he tells me that he’s looking into an over seas job that pays twice as much as he was making. After many long talks, a couple of months later he’s working in Europe. One day he calls and says he’s been offered a job in Iraq and this is an opportunity that doesn’t come along everyday. Within a couple of weeks, he’s home and we are getting him ready to deploy to Iraq. During that time, Virginia is hit with what is left over of a hurricane, trees down everywhere and we are without power for ten days. That was frustrating but nothing to get mad about; nothing we could do but work by flash light.
The one thing I was mad about was the fact that my father -in- law was not here. L. was a doctor and a good doctor. As I said before he had died a few months earlier from cancer. I needed him now. I needed his comfort and knowledge. I needed his sense of humor. We could joke about anything and we did. I was sure we would be finding something funny about this also.
While K. was in Iraq I decided that since we had always talked about moving to Montana, now was a good time to make the move. I guess you could say I have always been a take-charge person, in some cases not because I wanted but because I had no choice.
This time I had a choice. Sit around feeling sorry for myself, worry myself to death, go crazy with what ifs, sit around and cry all the time, get mad at something I have no control over, or take control. I took control. I made my decisions on what I wanted done and that I wanted it done as soon as possible.